Back Away From the Dye!

•20 April, 2010 • Leave a Comment

OK, so yesterday I decided that my roots were getting too long and I needed to fix them. Right now I can’t really justify paying $100 for color and highlights so I hit the hair dye aisle at CVS. Ah, why do I do this? I’ve been au natural for many years and then about 6 weeks ago I decided I wanted to lighten my hair up a bit (I used to be blonde but now I’m all mouse). Got it professionally done, looked great. Then the roots come in. I decide to go brunette. Not only did I not manage to cover all my hair effectively with dye, but the “golden” part of the brunette dye turned parts of my hair red. I look bad. Not as bad as the time in grad school when my Armenian friend dyed not only my hair but my eyebrows carrot orange, but still pretty bad. Now I’ll need to dye it again. I’ll be lucky if I don’t turn bald by the end of this process.

Coloring my own hair is not one of my gifts.

Called To…?

•19 April, 2010 • 2 Comments

Today I read an article in Fullfill Magazine that inspired me to think a wee bit about this journey I am on. It sparked a couple of thoughts, ones that have been flitting in and out of my head over the past year.

What are my gifts, really? Do I feel moved to doing something in particular?

I used to think I knew what my gifts were. And then I wasn’t sure. And then I knew. And then I think I sort of trashed some of my gifts due to my over-whelming cynicism as I stated in a previous post. Now though, I think they’re coming back. There’s a couple of things I know are gifts – teaching and forming relationships with people of other cultures (the latter might not be a spiritual gift but it’s a God-given gift all the same). I’m a little bit out of practice with the first due to more recent jobs, and with the second I have in general been a bit cranky towards everyone in the last few years. But, they’re coming back, they’re there. I know that we have to work on our gifts. So I’m working on ’em. And trying to figure out some others.

I also feel moved to do something in particular. About 1,000 particular things. This is my problem. I have a bit of an entrepreneurial mindset, constantly buzzing with ideas, so it’s hard for me to focus on just one. I know I want to go back to Asia (although sometimes Africa appeals!). I know I want to do something which involves building the capacity of others. I’ve even applied to an organization where I can do just that, but they told me they are trying to hire regionally so it looks like a long shot. So I’m still looking and thinking. And trying to be patient!

It’s all part of the journey, right?

The Lust For Comfort

•16 April, 2010 • Leave a Comment

“The life of uttermost service cannot be called comfortable. ‘Comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house as guest, and then becomes a host, and then master. Ay, and it becomes a tamer, and with hook and scourge makes puppets of your larger desires. Though its hands are silken, its heart is of iron. Verily, the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning to the funeral.’ It is true; but it is one thing to applaud it as truth and quite another thing to turn from that lust that murders the passion of the soul, for the sake of these for whom Christ died.

But no one who has done so would exchange this way of living for any other.”

-Amy Carmichael, quoting Kahlil Gibran

(I stole this from someone else’s blog. Thank you, whoever you are!)

So Resumes the Sojourn

•16 April, 2010 • Leave a Comment

The last few months have been somewhat of an awakening for me.  There has been much conscious and unconscious reflection. Reflection on the past, on worldview, on ideas, on hurts and joys, on God, and my relationship to Him.  Over the course of these months I have seen myself do a dramatic swing in thought processes and attitudes.  So dramatic that I feel refreshed and invigorated like I have not felt in years.  It has left me with a sense of anticipation for the future.  Full of genuine excitement.  This in itself surprises – and delights – me.

I have battled with cynicism for years.  I have felt fruitless, shriveled and dry.  Not a healthy branch.  Over these last months though, God has been slowly dripping water into my root system, and new buds are appearing.  People no longer have to guess if I am living or dead.  It’s obvious that there is life.

And with that has come a sense of purpose.  One of my true awakening moments was the thought that my life was certainly half over.  The thought was not a dark one, nor gloomy, but rather it left me with the firm impression that “I’d better get busy!  Time’s a wastin’!” Suddenly fears of job security and retirement plans have drifted to the side.  Surely there is no time to retire, and an overly healthy income becomes a bottom priority.  Life is too short!  This has left me open to considering a myriad of things.

And so now as I am exploring various avenues, some of which are leading nowhere, I am confident that God has a specific purpose in mind for me.  I’m learning to be patient and not jump the gun.  I have some specific ideas in mind but I’m truly open to other things.  This is such a great place to be.

And so resumes the journey of another of life’s pilgrims.  I am curious to see what I will learn and discover on this journey.  And I’m excited to see specific moments extracted from the pilgrimage.  And mostly I am thankful to have a faithful Companion guiding my steps along the way.